Best of 2015

Yes I know… We’re in 2017 and the previous year was 2016.

But. I miss the memories of 2015.

And so I generated the best 9 of 2015 instead.

Those were the days.

Those Hallways

I think of the young girl who used to walk down those hallways.

The one who used to wonder if she’s on the right path, if what she was doing was what she was meant to be.

I wonder how is she now.

Missing a Different Kind of Solitude

Perhaps it’s the overdose of human interaction I’ve had over the past few days, but I’ve been missing the life led in Sydney.

Especially when a Friend send me a picture of the vast landscape from down under.

It reminded me of the unhindered sunsets and sunrises I used to enjoy right outside my window. It also hit me – How much beauty in our daily lives we are missing. Not only because we are too busy with our phones and work deadlines, but also because we are literally and physically blocked by all our high-rise apartments, our fumes from vehicles and our factories, our haze. We’ve also blocked ourselves from such beauty by simply not have the desire to experience them. By simply not having the determination to make them accessible to ourselves.

With this realisation and missing, I felt a Pang in my stomach, an ache around my heart. I found myself yearning for the days when I could start by witnessing the quietly beautiful sunrises, and end the day with the solemn silence of sunsets. I miss the days when I could wake up and not say a word to anyone for the entire day, save for speaking the service staff. Texting, and the mandatory Skype sufficed. I miss the days when I could go out with no agenda except to experience the new and be with myself.

Do not misunderstand – I love being back home. I love being in the moment. I love being around family and friends. I love my work and where I am now. I love being financially independent and stable… for now.

But.

I just miss that Life I used to have. And I accept that part of the beauty in this nostalgia comes from the fact that it was a Fleeting time. The blue of distance. Some things are more beautiful far away.

Place and Identity

This was once a familiar corridor, a familiar building, a place I once loved and dreaded at the same time.

It’s interesting how the places that we have the most complex relationships with also form the biggest part of us.

Bricolage

“Bricolage”

Being in the moment… While holding the past… Anticipating the future and what the possibilities might be.

Although I first came across this word in the clinical context, in a reading advocating the application of such a mindset to relate and understand patients better, I soon realised what a beautiful word this could be to live by in other aspects of life too.

Trust the French to load such meaning, philosophy and concept into a single, simple word.

Bricolage.

Winter’s Sky

 

I miss winter’s sky

Even though it has not gone

But things are changing

 

Adventures in Byron Bay IV

Last one of the series.

Just before I left for the city, we had time to visit one more place in Byron: Minyon Falls.

The drive up.

The friend very kindly stopped the car for her city friend who has never been this close to a horse (outside the zoo) before.

 

The drive continued.

 

Destination.

 

The weekend ended comfortably with comfortable latte, and a comfortable greyhound bus ride back to Brisbane city.

 

Our parting was bittersweet because she’s going to start her studies in Melbourne, and we probably won’t meet again till end of this year or even next year, if ever.

Do memories make parting more bearable, or more painful?

Over the Mountains and Under the Sea I

Weekend with the Aussie friend a few weeks back.

Spent the night at hers at Manly, and we set off in the morning, taking a ferry from Manly Wharf to Circular Quay.

Pre-concert cuppa. The concert being the free Rising Stars concert at the conservatorium.

Semi-lunch.

The ferry ride back to Manly, where we encountered very entertaining tourists taking videos and pictures… of themselves.

Random cat at Manly wharf.

“Is this your cat?” We asked the girl at the pushcart.

“No, someone just left it here while they went to do their shopping and asked me to look after it for awhile.” The salesgirl replied, gesturing to the supermarket behind us.

Why anyone would bring their cat out, on a leash, and leave it at a pushcart with a stranger while they went to do their shopping… Is just beyond comprehension. We had a good perplexing laugh about that.

Part 2 soon 🙂

New Navigations

As I do reflection on the journey thus far, about 2 weeks since I have returned to the land down under, I realise that the navigation of new boundaries has been the main theme for much of this year’s journey.

This constant navigation has meant readjusting my expectations. Looking at the new roles I’m expected to play. And an inter-play between the two to achieve balance and avoid disappointment.

Housemates who are at home much more often than my previous housemates. This means that I don’t get the whole house to myself as much anymore, except in the mornings. Navigating this newly imposed boundary means that it’d do me good to make the most of my morning-person-ness, so that I am less frustrated when they start hogging the kitchen in the later part of the day. Not having the whole house to myself also means having to search for new places where I can truly be in a quiet environment. The campus library has become my third home, and I am just so thankful that the new library building is ready this year, and opened on weekends! It is my Esplanade.

Course-wise, I am navigating the role of a second-year, seniors to the first years now. Just like how we used to ask the second-years questions about placements and assignments, the first-years are now asking us the same things, and we are now being looked up to, depended upon for advice. The feeling is scary and fulfilling at the same time, knowing that we are able to help yet having such big shoes to fill.

Personally, I am navigating with the knowledge that this is my last year as a student, and that the future at this moment is pretty much uncertain (or certain, depending on how you look at it) for me. I try to embrace this uncertainty, to see it as a beautiful blank canvas on which anything can be painted. In the meantime, I want to gather as many skills and tools as I can, so that when the time comes, I can paint any picture I am asked or required to.

When we really think about it, life is a continuous process of navigation. We adjust our decisions, expectations, actions. We hope to avoid disappointment and always encounter beauty, while knowing that it impossible for life to be like that. The journey is the destination.

Disappearing Stories

The stories come,

Slowly at first.

Then widening, bursting,

into rivers of memories.

An article, a report.

The latest projects.

A new highway, a new line.

For development, convenience, growth.

The side effects:

Nostalgia becomes fashionable.

Old is hip, vintage is artistic.

Memories transform into profits.

Some stories are saved from oblivion,

But many slip away

from the shelves of memorabilia.

They simply

Disappear.