Old is Gold.
Old is Gold.
Taken with Lomo LCA+, Kodak 200 film.
I’ve been reading about taking positive moments and savouring them, to wire our brains to be able to fall back on positive feelings whenever we need them. And I’ve realised that looking back at photographs are a great way to do that. Splitting my trip posts into many mini posts have also allowed me to savour each portion of the trip again, before placing them all back together in the mind as a “Happy Period”. Very easy to go back to whenever I need a reminder of positive, peaceful and restful periods…
On this trip to Melbourne and Victoria, I had brought XiaoTang along, excitedly immersing myself in Lomography after what has felt like a long absence.
The results, unfortunately… were disappointing.
Still, among the terribly underexposed and grainy pictures, I guess I can still see some glimpses of the moments I had hoped to capture.
It’s always tempting to think that the grass is always greener on the other side, that others always have it better than we do, that we’d be happier – if only we had that person’s job scope, if only we had a spouse like so-and-so, if only we had that much money…
Over the years, I think I’ve learnt (the hard way) that comparing myself with others will only bring me more misery. Thankfully, thoughts on comparing myself with others (Why can’t I be like … Why am I not more…) gave way more to thoughts on learning how to accept myself (It’s ok, you may need more time than others, but you’ll get there if you don’t give up). Of course there are still days when I feel that I would be happier, if only… But I try to stop myself from going too far down that road.
One problem I still face frequently is how to handle people who seem to think that everyone’s grass is greener than theirs, that everyone has it better than them. I do not mind listening to my friends and colleagues talk, rant, complain and whine about their problems, be it at home or at work, but I feel that they have crossed the line when they start making personal remarks like “I’m not as fortunate as YOU… YOU don’t need to… YOU don’t have to… YOU have it so much better…” or any other lines that imply such.
I usually feel waves of anger and indignation swelling up inside me then, but I, being me, usually do quite a good job of hiding it, laughing the person’s insensitive remarks away. Pretending to agree that “Yes, I don’t work as hard as YOU.” “Yes, YOU work the hardest and I am just slacking off compared to YOU.”
I used to wonder why I am the butt of these people’s insensitive remarks, and even reflected on the impression I give others. Am I truly not working hard enough? Am I giving others the impression that I only do the minimal? Just because I pride myself on being efficient, is it something that has been taken the wrong way?
As I got to know some of these people better, I realised – it is not me. There are simply people who will feel that the world surrounding them is better than the world they have. Making comparisons and complaints are their coping mechanisms, albeit rather unhappy ones. So no matter what I do, no matter how much harder I drive myself, they are probably going to go on saying the things they say, thinking the things they think.
And this year, I should do myself the favour of not taking their words too seriously.
“In a decaying society, art, if it is truthful, must also reflect decay. And unless it wants to break faith with its social function, art must show the world as changeable. And help to change it.”– Ernst Fischer
The first and last time I sat on a roller coaster, I remember the feeling as the cart went all the way to the top.
The highest point, where it stopped for a moment. I closed my eyes, not daring to look down.
We stayed there for a second, but to me it felt like a million years.
In that moment, when everyone’s breadth is bated, when everyone is still, full of anticipation.
When the only thought and question running through your mind is: When will this be over? When will we tilt and plunge into the depths of the unknown?
For some, they relish it with joy and excitement. For others, they face it with fear and hesitation.
Certain circumstances in life force us to be where we do not want to be.
And if we are stuck at a point, like at the moment of turning in a roller coaster ride, there is nothing we can do but to breathe as normally as we can, enjoy the beauty of the height as much as possible, and prepare ourselves in all ways possible for the plunge we know is coming, no matter how long it takes.
Life. Is a roller coaster ride. A long one.
When will my wait be over?
When will my plunge come?
Developed the film a few weeks ago, and finally got around the scanning the photos.
In a perfect world,
I would be able to forget everything else,
And be there again – forever.