It’s just one month, I tell myself.
After one month, things will get better.
You’ve booked a staycation in May (with flexible cancellation dates. Just in case).
You’ll get to meet your friends again and sit in the cafes to have coffee and people watch through window seats. In the meantime, you can still journal at home. You can make art. Music. Read. You have Zoom. And Skype. You can finally do all the online courses you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time for. You’ll have all the downtime you’ve always dreamed off and not have to feel guilty about it! You’re not going to be bored to death. You’ve always been able to find things to do at home. It’s just the mindset of having to stay at home now that’s making you anxious and feeling trapped. And that’s understandable.
It’s ok to feel scared and anxious, AND also remember that we don’t have to panic and that this will pass. We’re in the storm now, knowing that this storm won’t last forever.
I haven’t been here for a long time.
Today is a work from home day, and I suddenly found the time and inspiration to come back to this space. Or maybe something in my body just told me that I really needed to. I really need this outlet today.
It feels so surreal, this world we are living in now.
I feel small, powerless, and so not in control.
I see everyone encouraging each other on social media and posting things about taking care of our physical and mental health. And reminding each other not to get swept up in the paranoia and anxiety of the times.
Which just makes me feel more anxious, really.
I have turned off notifications for most apps on my phone.
I am working on allowing all feelings, which can get really uncomfortable.
On the brighter side, I am enjoying the slowed down pace of life, the emphasis on meaningful connection, and the time we have to reflect on what truly matters.
I don’t think the worst is over.
I hope for strength and equanimity.
Yet it can sometimes seem really hard to get there.
The journey feels long and never-ending.
May I remember that even when things feel the same, when each day just feels like the day before, or like an even bigger struggle… Even when I cannot sense that there is anything happening…
Change is always there.
And that is why it won’t always be like that.
-Morgan Harper Nichols
Even here, I see light coming in the form of my supportive and loving family, my patient and caring friends, my meaning-filled and gratitude-filled work.
And I want to always believe that even in the darkness, we can make our own light.