Category Archives: Thoughts

Buzz Buzz.

“If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”

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Boundaries

I think this is something I’ve gotten better at over the years.

Still there’s always room for improvement.

The most difficult emotion I think I still struggle with, is guilt.

I feel guilty for saying no sometimes.

I feel guilty for pushing some people away, even when I know they’re not the most healthy company to keep.

I feel guilty for making time for myself because it feels selfish on some levels.

But I accept that it is work in progress, and that learning to set healthy and balanced boundaries will always be something worth getting better at.

A Solitary Day

Just one of many much needed ones.

 

 

 

A friend and I were talking the other day about how, as introverts and sensitives, we really need our quiet and alone time, but even then we have a threshold. Try going a week or more without meetups with close friends or without any meaningful human interaction, and even the most introverted person I know would start looking through their whatsapp chats to see which friend they can ask out.

So as I post this and think about how much I need and love the solitude in my life, I am also fully appreciative and thankful for the people who make my life this much more meaningful.

Healing Conversations

Meeting up with a long-time friend last night after a period of hiatus offered me some new insights and perspectives on being in this world.

I told her that our meetup was very healing for me, for reasons I couldn’t quite articulate in the moment myself. “I don’t know… It just felt healing… on a deeper level.” I replied when she asked how was it healing.

It was only after some reflection and processing this afternoon that I think I came to some sort of explanation…

See, in my relationship with myself, I think I am at the stage where I can comfortably switch between roles, act them out accordingly, and give myself time and space to recharge, thereby reconnecting with myself, and maintaining authenticity and a relatively authentic relationship with myself. I may not always want to be outgoing and spontaneous, but if my job requires it I am able to tell myself that there is meaning in doing this, so let’s do it, and most of the time I am able to make peace with the different roles I have to play in daily life.

But, in my relationship with the world, I don’t think I always have this harmony or peace. In fact, there may be times when I might actually resent and blame the world for all my painful, conflicting emotions, my struggles with unworthiness and inferiority and inadequacy. While I can forgive myself for having to act inauthentically at times, I may not always forgive the world, that which has forced me to act in this way and which has imposed these struggles upon me (at least that’s how I see it).

And thus, having friends who represent a facet of that world, showing me that it is possible for at least a small part of that external world to understand, to not judge, to really LISTEN, to validate and see me for who I am, without expecting me to change to meet their expectations…

This longtime friend was just that, and I think that’s why and where I found healing.

Thank you πŸ™‚