Last night, I attended a meeting within a local professional body.
I am unfamiliar with their structure.
Unfamiliar with their relations, their dynamics with each other.
I have never worked with any of them before.
I’ve not even stepped into my role as one of them.
I’m still establishing my identity as one.
Still searching for that part of me which is sure that she will be a good one.
I was looking at them, and thinking that they are nice, committed people, but also wondering how deep could our relationship go, remembering the fact that we are just connected professionally, after all.
And because of all that unfamiliarity, I was Quiet.
I think what was most disappointing was me thinking that it’d be ok for me to be quiet this once.
Thinking that they’d accept me being myself this once, because it was my first time after all.
But the prick came when, at the end of the meeting, when we were closing by answering a question and going around in a circle, the nice chair of the meeting quipped to me: “You’ve been so quiet!”
And suddenly all other eyes in the room were on me.
Deer in headlights mode on.
And I remember feeling disappointed, thinking: “Not here, too?”
But I guess Life has been a pretty good teacher, and I’ve found myself in enough situations like that to know how to react and respond.
So I simply smiled, put on my Teacher voice, and responded to the question which we were discussing.
Everyone laughed at something I said, and the moment passed.
But the process sure felt like it took out a lot of me.
Sounds like a few more hours of solitude is in order.