I learnt that everything can look the same on the outside but the weight you carry around can really make a difference to how you see the world.
On good days I would be present. On not-so-good days it feels like everything is seen through a fog. Like I’m there but… not really there.
Does that make sense?
Expectations were another thing I had to grapple with.
I guess I had gone on this trip with the expectation that everything would be solved. That the weight would lift, that I would be able to move on with life as before again.
It can be dangerous to have expectations. Because it means you’re setting yourself up for greater disappointment and despair.
So I learnt that it’s probably better to have more realistic expectations, especially where human emotions are concerned, and that maybe, there are just some things in life we have to go through.
And these things are shitty and feel horrible and confusing but –
if I could just pull through, I know something will come out of it. Something has to.
I refuse to go through all these in vain.