Not too long ago, I went through this Waiting phase.
I felt stretched. My heart wouldn’t calm. It took my twice the amount of time to fall asleep. I felt like I was checking my email every hour. Waiting for confirmation, waiting for progress, waiting for change.
Although it seemed that I was being carried away on waves of events and happenings, throughout it all, I was also aware of the physiological changes and experiences of my mind and body. These experiences taught me things.
Waiting, taught me things.
Waiting taught me that I am not in control. At all. As much as we’d like to think we are, or have, control over the happenings in our lives, the fact is we do not. Or very minimal. Just breathe and let go. That’ll save everyone a lot of heart ache and trouble.
Waiting gave me time and opportunity to live my questions. It was very patient, allowing me to take as long as I need to realise that you can’t force things to happen by hoping for them to the point of desperation. You simply have to live them. The vivid colours of varied questions, the loveliness of uncertainty, the beautiful darkness of paranoia. You just have to live them all, until the answers come. Or perhaps the answers are in the living of the questions themselves.
Waiting did not impose views and perceptions, but allowed me to come to my own conclusions, resolutions, to discover my inner resources, to know myself better, to make me more aware of what inner resources I already have and what more I need to grow.
Through waiting, I learnt – though whether the lessons stuck I can’t say. They are currently insights and thoughts floating in my mind, hopefully being consolidated into strong neural networks which will work to my benefit the next time I need to call on these inner resources and insights.
Thank you, Waiting, for the lessons.
Till next time.