No one told me leaving would be this hard.
I guess being too caught up with the preparation of everything else overshadowed my actual emotions about leaving the school, the friends, the familiar environment, the sense of togetherness…
And above all, the memories – the walking opposite to get bubble tea, the buying lunches for each other, the long meetings, the early days, the never-ending days, the no-need-to-teach-yay! days, the performances, the music, the words of appreciation, the small successes, the disappointing failures, the what-am-I-doing-this-for days, the I-could-do-this-forever days…
Everything just came together in a flood of memories and emotions. As a colleague very encouragingly put it (while offering me tissue): “It’s been a tough 4 years, but its been fulfilling, hasn’t it?”
“Is it possible? To feel this way? Happy and sad at the same time?” I asked, exasperated at my inability to control my outward display of emotions.
“Yes,” came the reply. “It is possible. And I’m glad you feel sad as well, because if you only felt happy about leaving, that would be really sad!”
I guess it’s also just me being me, rejecting change, yet wishing to embrace new opportunities, leading to such inner conflict and turmoil… and tears. Oh, the tears.
I need to learn to accept change quicker. After all, farewells are part and parcel of life, and change is the only constant. Nothing stays the same forever. People come and go, and to ask for life to stay as we know it would be denying ourselves the opportunities for progress and new experiences.
May I move on. Quicker.
Along Life's Path 